5 Tips for Disclosing Your Past to Your Present Lover

If you’re a single adult in the dating world, chances are that you have a dating past. Regardless of how plain or colorful your dating history is, disclosing it to your current lover can be a sensitive issue. Here are some simple tips and guidelines to make the process easier.

Tip #1 – Timing is Everything

When it comes to disclosing your past to your current lover timing can play a very large role. At MatchEdge, one of the most popular online dating sites, they’ve found that certain things are more import to disclose sooner than others.

For example, if you’re divorced or separated that’s something you want to bring up early on. It doesn’t have to be the first date, but a good rule of thumb would be to disclose that sort of information by the third date.

On the other hand, if you’ve never been married but have had several sexual partners, that’s probably something you want to discuss only after you get to know your lover a little better. As they say, “It’s not usually appropriate first date conversation.”

Tip #2 – The Devil is in the Details

Once you have decided that you are ready to disclose your past to your present lover, it’s probably a good idea to spear him/her the details. Usually people don’t really care to hear a detailed explanation of your sexual escapades. A good rule of thumb is to skip all the details unless if you are specifically asked for them.

Tip #3 – A Sensitive Issue

Chances are that if you’re nervous about disclosing your sexual past to your current lover, they are just as anxious to hear about it. It’s important to remember that your current lover may experience feelings of insecurity or jealousy. To help ease your current lover through this, try not to show too much emotion during the discussion. You should probably steer clear of discussing how you felt. Instead, try simply stating what you’ve done.

Tip #4 – Don’t Fall for Traps

If you’re having these types of discussions with your current lover, you should know if they are the jealous type or not. To ward off the green eyed monster, you may want to tread carefully. Once you are done disclosing the information, you want to steer clear of what I call traps. Traps are questions that are innocently disguised but may lead to hurt, anger or jealousy on your partners end. You’ll recognize these traps because the questions will usually be about feelings or thoughts and they will be linked to a person. For example, “Have you done xyz” is a very different question from, “Do you still think about xyz with so-and-so?”

Tip #5 -Reap the Rewards

If you are serious about your current lover, sharing this information will allow them to know you better, while giving you and your lover a stronger bond. At MatchEdge, they’ve found that the relationships that have less secrets between them tend to be stronger than those who keep secrets.

Remember, no one can ever fault you for being honest with them. Regardless of what your sexual past holds, it’s a part of who you are. If your current lover is a keeper, they will be glad that you had enough faith and confidence in them to share such an intimate part of yourself. Good luck and happy sharing!

Fire Damage Restoration Service Providers: The Best Way to Get the Job Done Right and On Time

When fire devastates a building or business, its effects loom far below the surface damage that is first visually noted. Not only can the clean-up be overwhelming in terms of labor, time, and expense, but it is also often downright dangerous. The remaining ash, soot, smoke, chemicals, and lingering water damage from exterminating the flames can continue to do further damage to the building itself and any other surfaces, appliances, furniture, and more that are left untreated. There’s the structure’s stability to be concerned about, including walls and floors, but there are also the effects of fire-induced toxic fumes and other chemical reactions that are often tough to identify. These effects often continue to work their way into the building’s entire HVAC system, vents, and ducts as well.

Fire damage requires immediate attention

This will help you avoid further damage that drives up the expense of repairs, cleanup, and the business’s downtime. It’s also best left to certified and trained fire damage restoration professionals who can safely assess the dangers, clean up all the damage, and get your business up and running effectively as soon as possible.

Top advantages of a fire damage restoration service

One of the top advantages the best fire damage restoration service providers offer is that their trained technicians arrive at the building prepared for everything they might possibly encounter.

Their equipment will be certified and will include the latest technologies for cleaning and repairing all the building’s surfaces and structures. This will include safe chemical washes that clean the surfaces and remove the odors from all of the smoke damage. They will also have the proper industrial drying fans and methods to dry out the building from the water and chemicals that are used to exterminate the flames.

Once dried out, fire damage restoration service providers also have the training and expertise to safely treat all mold, mildew, and other residual odors, including professional decontamination and deodorization practices. These fire damage technicians can also expertly assess the situation and provide trustworthy advice on what can be restored and what will need to be replaced. It takes the guesswork out of the equation and avoids any further time loss to get the business back up and running.

When hiring fire damage restoration service providers who are certified professionals, it ensures all the proper processes, including paperwork and documentation, are conducted to the highest standards. This can pay off big time when it comes to dealing with insurance providers and health inspectors down the road.

Look for certifications

Should asbestos abatement, a structural demo, preventative fireproofing, or anything in between be required, choose a company with proof of certification so you know that they adhere to all regulations set forth by OSHA, the Department of Transportation, and the California Department of Public Health (CDPH). They should also take the time to answer any questions that may come up before and throughout the process.

Fire’s harmful effects can bring up excessive stress and emotional response. The best professionals not only get the job done right and on time, but they’re also there to support you through the process of getting back to business.

Negotiating Skills and Negotiating Strategy: What Is a “Successful” Negotiation?

One day, Alice was lost. She came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” was his response.

“I don’t know.” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

Alice in Wonderland

A sometimes murky question…

What constitutes “success” in a negotiation is a sometimes murky question. Despite this, in planning your negotiating strategy, it is a critically important question to ask. For a negotiation to be “successful,” you must reach your planned destination. Your negotiating strategy is about how you get there. In starting the planning for your negotiating strategy, therefore, you have to know where you are going. Like Alice, however, if you don’t know where you are going, it doesn’t matter what strategy you choose…

The planning for the negotiation and the ultimate negotiating strategy, therefore, can only begin once you and your team has agreed on the destination you want to reach — and once you have an idea of the chosen destination of the other side. Certainly, until everyone on your team agrees on that destination, coming up with an effective negotiating strategy will be difficult if not impossible. And, until you agree on your destination, you will almost certainly find yourself struggling up a quite steep and slippery slope and you will face a near certain negotiating failure.

Sometimes, “success” in a negotiation is easily quantifiable. For example, sometimes it is measured simply in terms of the price at which you are prepared to buy or sell whatever you are negotiating to buy or sell. Obviously, unless you know the target maximum purchase price you are prepared to pay — or the target minimum sales price at which you are prepared to sell, you are negotiating in the dark. In these cases, once you have set your targets, what constitutes “success” is relatively clear and you either reach your destination or you do not.

What is less clear is what constitutes “success” in more complex business negotiations that are more than a once-off transaction in which the parties may never again do business together. In these more complex cases, “success” can mean many things and is not easily quantifiable. And this presents a hidden danger: Unless you and your team have clearly defined your destination, members of your negotiating team can unwittingly sabotage the process of reaching it.

How executives and their lawyers sometimes view “success” differently…

Over the years, in my business travels around the world, I have regularly come across something that has never ceased to surprise me. I have found that some of the most successful business executives I came across seemed to have a different idea of “success” to that of their lawyers. The result was almost always interesting — and was almost never particularly good for the executives.

For example, some of these executives took a long-term view of what was “success” in negotiation. They believed that a negotiation was only successful if the deal they were negotiating created a long-term ongoing relationship that each side would value long after the agreement was signed. These executives clearly focused on the value of ongoing business and on the possibility of each side increasing business with the other. They understood that, to accomplish this, both sides would have to build and nurture relationships with the other side. As a result, these business executives understood that the success of the negotiation could sometimes only be judged years after the agreement was signed.

The lawyers representing these executives sometimes took a much shorter-term view and often adopted a scorched earth approach to the negotiations. For them, success in a negotiation was simply reflected by the signing of the document they had negotiated and drafted. For them, success occurred as the ink was still drying on the parties’ signatures. And, for them, it didn’t matter what carnage might have resulted in the process. Nor did it matter if feelings were hurt and egos were bruised along the way. All that mattered was that the document was signed…

Obviously, the problem with this scorched earth approach is that, while it certainly might result in a signed agreement, the long-term implications of this approach can be disastrous to the very relationships that are critical to the long-term success of the venture. What these professionals failed to understand was a business reality, namely, the value of an ongoing business relationship and the cost of acquiring a new business opportunity to replace the existing one.

What they also failed to realize is that a scorched earth approach can poison relationships. They fail to understand that a negotiation is a magical window through which both sides can look to see what it will be like to do future business together. My experience is that people never behave better than when they want something from you. And if they behave unreasonably, unprofessionally and without common courtesy in a negotiation, you can bet the farm this is how they will continue to treat you long after the ink has dried on your agreement. The result of this scorched earth approach is that the other side will not view the relationship as potentially a long-term one. Instead, from almost the moment the ink has dried on your agreement, they will start to look for other people or businesses to replace you. Your attorneys or other representatives are thereby doing you an enormous disservice if they use an approach that is inconsistent with your goals.

One conclusion…

So, before going into a negotiation, decide what would constitute “success” in your negotiation. And if your goal is to build both a long-term ongoing relationship and an agreement that each side will value long after the agreement is signed, be sure your team is on the same page as you. Critical to the process, therefore, is to assemble a negotiating team that is in sync with your goals.