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If you’re a single adult in the dating world, chances are that you have a dating past. Regardless of how plain or colorful your dating history is, disclosing it to your current lover can be a sensitive issue. Here are some simple tips and guidelines to make the process easier.

Tip #1 – Timing is Everything

When it comes to disclosing your past to your current lover timing can play a very large role. At MatchEdge, one of the most popular online dating sites, they’ve found that certain things are more import to disclose sooner than others.

For example, if you’re divorced or separated that’s something you want to bring up early on. It doesn’t have to be the first date, but a good rule of thumb would be to disclose that sort of information by the third date.

On the other hand, if you’ve never been married but have had several sexual partners, that’s probably something you want to discuss only after you get to know your lover a little better. As they say, “It’s not usually appropriate first date conversation.”

Tip #2 – The Devil is in the Details

Once you have decided that you are ready to disclose your past to your present lover, it’s probably a good idea to spear him/her the details. Usually people don’t really care to hear a detailed explanation of your sexual escapades. A good rule of thumb is to skip all the details unless if you are specifically asked for them.

Tip #3 – A Sensitive Issue

Chances are that if you’re nervous about disclosing your sexual past to your current lover, they are just as anxious to hear about it. It’s important to remember that your current lover may experience feelings of insecurity or jealousy. To help ease your current lover through this, try not to show too much emotion during the discussion. You should probably steer clear of discussing how you felt. Instead, try simply stating what you’ve done.

Tip #4 – Don’t Fall for Traps

If you’re having these types of discussions with your current lover, you should know if they are the jealous type or not. To ward off the green eyed monster, you may want to tread carefully. Once you are done disclosing the information, you want to steer clear of what I call traps. Traps are questions that are innocently disguised but may lead to hurt, anger or jealousy on your partners end. You’ll recognize these traps because the questions will usually be about feelings or thoughts and they will be linked to a person. For example, “Have you done xyz” is a very different question from, “Do you still think about xyz with so-and-so?”

Tip #5 -Reap the Rewards

If you are serious about your current lover, sharing this information will allow them to know you better, while giving you and your lover a stronger bond. At MatchEdge, they’ve found that the relationships that have less secrets between them tend to be stronger than those who keep secrets.

Remember, no one can ever fault you for being honest with them. Regardless of what your sexual past holds, it’s a part of who you are. If your current lover is a keeper, they will be glad that you had enough faith and confidence in them to share such an intimate part of yourself. Good luck and happy sharing!

When we are asked to give a presentation — a keynote, a workshop, a sales presentation, or lead a meeting — one of our primary goals is to influence our listeners in some way. What are the tools, methods, attributes and attitudes that will help us to become powerful, influential presenters?

Have Passion for Your Topic If You Hope to Influence.

• I have talked about having a passion for your topic before, but I feel it can’t be said enough. If we don’t care about our topics, how can we ever expect to influence others? Last year I attended a Security Summit intended for technology types. However, the presenter who was the most passionate and frightened me the most wasn’t a “techie” at all.
• He was a passionate writer and speaker about airline security. He started by pointing out that security strategy isn’t any different from computer technology security. By showing the similarities of approaches and the need to think backward, “with the mind of a terrorist,” he showed clearly that “security is security” and the more secure we think we are by creating additional layers of security, we aren’t becoming safer.
• Before you accept a presentation assignment, be truthful about your passion or lack of passion for the topic or the product. You may be able to entertain the listeners, but without passion, you will never be able to influence them.

Make Use of Dynamic Examples for Influence

At the Security Summit, the most dynamic example was as unnerving, and yet as easy to follow as an example could be. The security guru for airline safety talked about all of the new layers of safety measures that have been initiated since 9/11 — the airport check-through lines, the undercover agents on the planes, the pilot’s gun and the heavy security door to the cockpit that is bullet proof and locks from within the cockpit.

He then walked out of the room, closed the door and proceeded to knock on it, until someone let him back in (people assumed that the door had locked him out). He then asked how many in the room had flown recently and had noticed that the heavy security door was open throughout the flight, or had been opened for the pilot to use the restroom at the back of the plane.

He illustrated that in this situation we have made it easy for the terrorists. Now only one — not three — terrorist sitting toward the front of the plane who is quick and trained in the martial arts can dash through the open door, shut it to everyone else, surprise and overwhelm the pilot, take his gun, shoot those in the cockpit, and he is clear to fly the plane into any building he wishes. Were we all influenced by this demonstration? You bet.

You see, as long as you’re passionate about your topic and your examples are dramatic, you will be remembered as an influential presenter.